I've Broken 6 Promises This Week. My Stomach Broke Them for Me.
Published: March 14, 2026 - 5 min read
The Night Everything Was Supposed to Change
On the night of Tuesday, March 3rd, I was excited.
I had just gotten back from the Women and Money Montreal Give to Gain Pitch Night for International Women's Day. Ten entrepreneurs. Sixty seconds each. One mic. I won.
But that's not why I was excited.
I was going to be starting new medications that night, and this time, I was sure it was going to work. Me and my parents were so sure that my mum told me to start eating normally again. I prepared a batch of two meals, two very healthy meals btw, that I had not had in a long time.
Then I reacted. I reacted badly to all of them and have essentially been house-ridden since the 4th of March.
The Promises I Couldn't Keep
This has meant no Toastmasters practice as I had wished, both in English and French.
This has also meant that I've had to cancel coffee meetings with 3 people I've met across these events. Three people that I could have had conversations with and helped in one way or another.
And last night, this also meant canceling my volunteer work at the hospital. Remember the Volunteer for Smiles group that I volunteered at during my first few weeks here where we made cards for patients? Well, the second time I volunteered on the 7th of February, I had to leave early because the pain in my stomach got too much.
Then earlier this week, I promised I was going to go today. But now I can't. I had to cancel again because I have a colonoscopy appointment and will have to be on a liquid-only diet and take some preparatory medications. I don't want to risk being at the hospital volunteering when my body is weak from taking only liquids, or if I react badly to these medications.
Six promises. All broken. Not because I didn't want to keep them. Because my body wouldn't let me.
Writing This at 1:38am Because What Else Can I Do
Whew. Maybe this is TMI, but honestly I don't really care.
This is one of the best things about writing when you don't have a huge following. You just write without overthinking. Because I had to get these words out on paper. It's 1:38am btw as I type this on my notes app, and then I'll have it published by Allen when I properly wake up.
And yes, you can guess it. One of the reasons I'm awake is that my stomach hurts.
The Colonoscopy Fear I Can't Shake
The colonoscopy is just a few days away. I can be hopeful that I'll learn something that'll actually improve my situation.
But I get scared, you know? What if they find nothing and tell me it's all in my head? What am I supposed to do then?
On the other hand, I don't want them to discover anything grave or serious. That would be scary too. I just want to be offered a solution. Just one. One that'll actually work. One that'll have me keeping promises I make to people and myself rather than breaking them.
The Invisible Pain of IBS-C
If I had diarrhea, that is, IBS-D, it'd be very obvious to people that I was sick whenever I step out. So I guess it's "good" that my case is IBS-C.
But the worst thing about having IBS-C is also that fact. It just silently kills you. Silently rips away your smiles, your happiness. It does all of this silently, so it's hard for people around you to make sense of it.
I wrote before that food is my unrequited lover. That my body is at war with me. Tonight, sitting here unable to sleep, it all feels the same as it did then. Maybe worse, because this time I had hope that the new medications would change things.
I haven't sat down for more than 15 minutes at a time the past two days. Yes, that's how uncomfortable I feel.
1:45am Now
I just wish it would all go away. Like right now, as I type.
But all I can look forward to is that colonoscopy. With hopes that it'll give me answers that'll transform my life positively.
Because I'm tired of breaking promises. I'm really tired of it.
As always, thanks for reading.