Food Is My Unrequited Lover. Every Meal Is a Heartbreak.
Published: January 21, 2026 - 4 min read
I love food, but food doesn't love me.
It's a hard pill to swallow as I am constantly reminded of this every single day by the pain caused by my IBS.
The Promise I Made to Myself
I promised myself to step out every single day for at least the first month in Montreal. I wrote about why in my Week One update. But that promise hasn't been so easy to keep.
The constant pain makes it scary to be outside amongst people. I never know if it will get worse. And sometimes it does. But I have to sit there and pretend that I feel okay when in fact, I am not okay.
The Double Temptation
Then there's the temptation of eating outside food. It's another thing I have to struggle with when I step out.
Not to mention the pain that comes whether or not I eat it. The pain never leaves. It's always there. Some things just make it worse, but it's hard to stay away from those things when spending time outside.
The Performance
And I try so hard to hide it. I really do.
But then every once in a while, I squint when I feel a sharp pain in my stomach.
A lot of the time, this happens when I am mid-conversation. And then I silently panic: Did they see that? Did they notice? I hope they didn't.
If they did notice, I hope they don't think it has anything to do with them.
The Unrequited Lover
I just had a taste of my unrequited lover and was left in pain.
That's the relationship I have with food now. I keep showing up. Food keeps breaking my heart.
But here's the thing: I still show up. To meals. To conversations. To stepping outside every single day in this new city.
Because that's what building a life looks like when your body is fighting against you. You show up anyway.
As always, thanks for reading!